"Recovering Perfectionist"

“Recovering Perfectionist”

I’ve got a confession to make

I’m an ordinary guy with expensive tastes

I’m not talking about possessions; I’m talking about people

I only want the best

And it doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about lovers or friends

Even though I’m grounded 
my expectations are through the roof

I’ve never needed someone “hot”
but I’m very receptive to cute

I want funny, humble, gentle and kind… 

silly, supportive and accepting with the sharpest mind

Most of all I want someone real

Because you can’t talk my stubbornness out of an idea 

when “I” know how I really feel

It’s hard to escape decades of routine 

but it’s a small price to pay as I await the woman of my dreams

For now, I improve myself while looking for the right fit 

and I haven’t been as successful as I’d like to admit

But that’s more on me, wanting quality over quantity 

and it seems like I always want the ones who don’t want me

All my friends say I’m too picky

She asked, do people often tell you your standards are too high? YES.

But every time I try to bend my mind

My heart straightens me out

Setting myself up for disappointments instead of sharing a love

Instead of being with the person I’m thinking of

Reluctantly settling for the solitude of a continued drought

Waiting for “her” to take me by the hand 

and lead me to the place where my pride can understand

That love is the adventure that cannot be planned

Half the journey is truth and the other half is faith 

and I need to get honest with myself before it’s too late

Standing here beyond belief with an active imagination

Are these really high standards or my own limitations?

A game against yourself is never fairly played. 

Cleaning everything up from a mess that I made

Fooled again by a self imposed charade

senses dismayed, pride now destroyed

Been miserable so long I don’t know how to enjoy

Choosing logic over love

distance over a connection

and you know how us Leo’s need a lot of affection

So I found one after another

instead of keepers I found lovers

And I kept those away

and when I learned to know myself 
a lot of changes had to be made

I wanted value over too many

I looked so hard for perfect women but couldn’t find any

So I chose not to play anymore over “winning”

had to regroup and go back to the beginning

She said; Breathe, keep it simple. 

Spreading joy is the right thing to do

Spread joy and then joy will find you

Breathe, keep it humble. 

Each failure is not the last straw

Know that I am sincere and know that I am flawed

I dig those little quirks, imperfections and every time you make a face

Like me for me and I promise your flaws 

will be perfectly embraced

Going to sleep fearing she’s lost 

but waking up hopeful she’ll be there

caught somewhere between a wish and a prayer

It’s amazing what can happen in the course of a day

I’m not looking for a weekend stay

so I don’t show my cards right away

Now I believe in finding her no matter what it takes 

but when I see someone I like

I always make mistakes

I think about the women I’ve loved…

Strike one; this one could have been fun

Strike two, this one’s not for you

Down in the count am I headed for strike three 

or is the next swing gonna set me free?

Because, for once, I just want to know what it’s like to have her run into my arms

I loved 2 women but is the 3^rd time the charm?

Too many movies, too many books and too many songs

Have caused me to think in dreams

And it seems, I’m as serious as my father, silly as my mother

Gloom on the outside, hope on the other

If I really wanna fix it, love is better than glue

Better than duct tape, crumbly paste and cee-ment too

The mirror whispers

there’s no one better to love than you.

Waiting to grow until I know I’m not alone

The best things in life are shared 

but I’m scared to be only for myself

I need to focus on my needs 

but my mind’s on someone else

Living for one, I have my doubts, 

like I might be missing out

So I continue to watch with one eye open and one eye blind

Afraid I could miss her 

and afraid of what I’ll find

But the longer this goes
the more I’ll be prepared

and the more I’ll see 
there’s no good reason to be scared

And for that moment, for that reward

I will have to take a chance

Completely willing to trade a lot of risk for a little romance

In matters of love

I’ve learned enough to realize I don’t know what I’m doing

And I overthink my thoughts when I think trouble’s brewing

So I march along defiant until I can find the most amazing girl

It might be the only way I could enjoy living in my perfect world

She said, you must become what you want to attract

that’s the only way you’ll know

If I really want the perfect woman… 

then I have a long way to go.